im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
