but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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