Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
