you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
