Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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