Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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