yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
