we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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