brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
