At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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