he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
