i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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