What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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