The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You pole danced in your parka.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
