whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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