i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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