Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
