Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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