Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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