the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
