Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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