mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
