i permit you to call me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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