Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
