my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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