Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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