did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
