I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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