I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
