did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize