Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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