you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
