see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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