i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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