im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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