Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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