My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
