I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
