Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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