I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
