somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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