so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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