I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
