He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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