Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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