if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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