and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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