Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
