The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
