I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
