Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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