I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
