rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
