Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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