i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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