Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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