WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
