never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
