Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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