I am puke
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
