I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
