I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
