She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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