what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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