im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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