Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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